They must think I'm a psychopath..

Dear God..

So people must read these blogs and think that I am an absolute psycho.. i mean.. it's a blog.. addressed and written for God to read.. funny.. "she must be nuts.."

I'm not nuts.. well.. not in that sense.. I mean.. I have my issues.. and I know very well that i'm not blogging to God.. but I know God hears me.. like He hears all of us.. and this is just another outlet in which I could voice my thoughts and prayers to God..

Why blog to God? Well.. why not?? People talk to God.. pray to God vocally and silently.. so.. i do it though writing.. or typing.. if you want to be politically correct..

So.. here I am.. and I'm not ashamed and I'm not embarrassed.. i feel it's just a way to express my thoughts and feelings..

And I really don't know what I'm going to do.. I really hate the unknown.. and i really hate that I have no control.. nor do i even know what will happen to me in the future.. and i know that NO ONE knows the future.. so i'm not the only one in this suspense.. but still..

Have been to greedy with money? Have I been spending too much for You to believe that I can remain humble? I mean.. I've always been the type of person that has wanted to do everything by myself.. that's why i've worked so hard to get to where I am.. and i did it with Your help.. i know I wasn't totally alone.. You have guided me every step of the way..

So.. where are You leading me now? Are You teaching me the value of money? I do know the value of money.. are You teachiing me to save up because of what the future will hold for me? Is it harder to budget and adjust my lifestyle than I thought it would be.. and is that why You are teaching me now?

I know that when I get married and have a family that my income and my life will change for the sake of that family.. but is it harder to do that I had anticipated.. and so is this why You are putting me through all this now? Is this why You've given me the trials with Justyn.. to learn what it's like to really "give and take" in a relationship... Is this why You are giving me a questionable status in my job.. so I can learn what it's like to actually budget and save??

I really wish I knew the motives.. I really wish i had a hint as to what You're plan really is..

But since I don't know what will come.. I want to thank you for what has arrived... what i have.. i am blessed.. and it's all because of You.. so.. thanks..