I can't sleep.

Dear God,

I can't sleep. There is too much going on. You see it all. I know You do. There is so much tension but I can't shake that feeling and I'm not going to give in. I am not going to give in. I can't give in. I would be kicking myself in the face if I did that.

I'm hurting and I'm angry and I'm sad. I dont' know how to deal with any of those feelings. I don't think that the situation will change unless he makes that change. But he'd rather defend her than anything else. What is that supposed to tell me? What is that supposed to tell me?

He can leave.. but I don't want that. I really don't.

I just dont know what to do anymore. It's like we are at this wierd crossroads.. neither way is the right way.. both ways are wrong.. there is no right path this time.. there just isn't.. both paths lead to dark and stormy areas.. both paths will lead us to hurt.. both paths will be self-destructive..

We wont' win either way.

I just need some sort of answer. I don't know how. I don't know. I am lost when it comes to this and I pray that you show me a slight nudge in direction. Just a lil beam of light to show me the way to go. That's all. I'm not asking for full blown answers. Just a hint.

Sigh.. just a hint..