Freak out!

Dear God..

I finally did it.. as I sit here.. at 1:30 am.. on a Sunday morning.. I finally did it.. the thing I have been stopping myself from doing since I first heard the news last Monday..

FREAK OUT..

I have tried so hard not to.. for Justyn's sake.. the last thing he needs is to feel worse about the situation he is in.. to know that I freaked out about it.. so.. I tried.. tried so hard to be strong.. to really put it in Your hands.. to really lift all the burdens upon You.. and til this day.. I am trying... still trying.. so hard..

But I'm human.. and it's in my nature to worry..

So many things ran through my head.. and I had an anxiety attack.. my first one in over six months.. or so it seems..

I'm so lost.. we have no direction right now.. and I need that direction.. I'm scared that we'll be wondering lost forever.. but I know You won't let us down.. and You wont' leave us alone.. but.. It's so hard to surrender it all to You.. but I'm trying.. so hard.. to do so..

Guide me.. help us.. please.. don't let me freak out.. give me strength.. help him.. we both need it soo much..

I'm just at such a loss.. for words.. for emotions.. for everything right now..

I don't know what to do.. I don't know what to do..