Whoa...

Dear God,

Wow, I haven't written in here since July. That doesn't mean that You and I haven't been communicating, because I talk to You everyday. I guess I just have been feeling that there is no need for blog entries here.

But maybe there is...

It's a struggle. It really is. I feel like my world has fallen apart since Justin and I broke up. I really don't know what direction You are steering me in. Somedays, it feels so easy to just let You take the reigns and I follow. Somedays I feel like I can trust Your judgement and allow Your will be done.

Other days, I just feel like I have failed You in so many ways. I feel like I had done something so wrong, so bad, that You feel the need to punish me.

And there are other days.. most days.. that I feel You have just forgotten all about me..

Looks like I really should have continued writing in here.. writing out how I have been really feeling lately.. to see the actual words on this web page.. to know that I am addressing it to You, and that not only can You hear it. but You can see it too..

Maybe I shouldn't have stopped writing here..

Dear God, I don't want to give up my life. I don't. I want to know that I have some sort of purpose in this world. Right now I don't see it. I know You will show me in due time.. I just wish that the time was now. I feel aimless. I feel useless. I feel insignificant.

Yet I refuse to give up.

I refuse to give up on a life that You allowed me to have.

I want to make the most of it, I just don't know where to start.

You understand, dont you??