Protection.

So.. we are counting down the days til my boyfriend goes on his trip to Asia.

Dear God, I ask that you keep him protected there. Please don't let anything bad happen to him while he is there. Let him have safe flights through out his entire trip. Let him stay safe from anyone there that will want to do him harm.

Protect him and bring him back safe and healthy.

I just worry, that's all.

So much death and bad things have happened to too many people I know this year. I would hate to see anything happen to one of the people that I care the most about in my life. He's someone that I am actually seeing something great in the long term...

I would like to get there.. eventually..

Please. My Christmas wish for this year is that he have a safe trip and return safely to me..

That's all I want..

The story of my life..

Dear God,

I know I rarely come in here and type out things. I go into the Blessed Sacrament and spend time with You as often as I can. I know that isn't enough and my prayer life is one to be questioned.. and I know there are so many things I can do to improve it.. I just feel like I don't have the time.

Again.. another excuse.. and it really shouldn't be the case. I really should make the time.. You always make the time for me.. right?

I just feel a little lost in this relationship again. I mean. I really feel blessed that You have put him into my life at a time where I can finally be happy and comfortable with myself.

It's always been said that you can't love someone until you love yourself..

And I think I am at that point in my life that I have fully accepted who I am.. and can honestly say that I love who I am.. there are things that need to be changed.. but don't we all have our flaws? That's what makes us human.. and You.. God.

I just don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time with him if he doesn't quite know what he wants out of this yet.. it's been six months.. and though that may not be a long time in perspective.. it's stil enough time to kind of have an idea..

He says he has an idea..

I wish he would just tell me what that idea is..

He isn't one for talking about stuff like that.. I guess I can't have it all..

Just help guide me.. help guide us.. let this finally be that something wonderful I have been dreaming of all my life.. please?

Another one?

Dear God,

So, here we are again. You've given me another relationship to deal with. You've given me someone new. You've helped us progress from talking.. to dating.. to dating just each other.. to now.. an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

You've given me another one to try to hold on to.. or to lose all over again.

I guess You always had Your reasons. If I hadn't broken up with all the guys I have been in relationships before.. then I would have never been in this relationship. It all happened for a reason.

But seriously, I am sooo tired of the whole process of starting over again.. only to be broken hearted in the end. I want this one to be the last one. This will be the last one.. whether it works out or not. I just don't think that I will be able to handle trying again if this one doens't work out anymore.

God.. I do want it to work out with him.

Not just because I feel this is my last shot.

But because I really do like him.. a lot more than I really admit to liking him. He makes me smile and I have not been this happy in awhile. I feel secure and safe in his presence. I know that he cares. I feel that he cares. There's a comfort level that seemed so instant.

I don't want to ruin this nor do I want it ruined at all.

I'm just scared. Every relationship I've had has ended. What could make this the exception?!?!

I'm not one of those girls..

Dear God,

You know I'm not one of those girls that likes to fall for guys in a hot second.. well.. not anymore. Too many past experiences have burned me in the past. It's so hard to get too happy over a situation with a new guy.

But ya.. here I am.. at the start of something new..

You know I've been praying for things..

I've been asking for intercession through Your Holy Family for these things.. to protect who ever my future husband may be.. whether it's this new guy.. or some other guy.. that You all protect him and help us find a way to each other.. and if it's ok with You.. I added "soon.."

I learned to pray for my future husband from listening to a Catholic podcast. I thought it seemed very nice to do. I also learned to pray for what I want in a husband from one of the choir members..

I mean.. You know I'm not desperate. I understand that if marriage never happens to me.. that it's because it wasn't meant for me.. I also know that You work in Your time.. and if You dont think that NOW is a good time.. then I know that LATER will be better..

Just protect me from pain. That's all I'm asking. I always envisioned that the next relationship I would be in will be my last. It would be my last because it would be the one to last for the rest of my life.. It's a nice vision.. but one can never predict such things.. only You know.. and I trust that.

I just really don't want to get my heart broken again.. that's all I'm asking..

In need of a brain break..

Dear God,

Now I know I should be fervently writing my paper, that is due in a little over two hours, but I can't. I need a brain break and I am starting lose control of the situation.

I need You.

I need to be focused. I know that You can't give me focus, I have to give that to myself. But I know You can help me find the focus I need to finish this paper. I know you can help me find the focus I need to finish this course. You are all I need to help me get through life, and for that.. I am eternally grateful.

If I could ask You for just one favor, I would ask You to slow down time.. just a little bit.. for tonight so that I can get this paper in by the deadline. Just a minute or two slower than usual. Or at least help me work a little faster.

I know that You've helped me stay calmer. I'm offering this paper to You and I know that You will help me finish it. You won't give me anything I can't handle, so I know I can handle this.

Maybe a nudge won't be so bad..

Remind me why I decided to do this.. what are Your plans for me after?!?!?

Only a prayer away..

Dear God,

I know it's been awhile since I've left you a blog here. But we both know that You have not ever been too far away from me. I know You are constantly watching over me, and that gives me all the comfort in the world.

You know I started school.. You also know how much it's been a struggle to stay afloat after I started school. I know I am doing a good thing and no matter how much I want to just quit, I know You didn't make me a quitter. I am working through this and with Your help, I have the strength to keep going, no matter how much stress I am feeling.

I just wanted to check in here to let You know that I'm not going to stop writing things, just like I'm not going to stop praying.

I know You have the patience to wait til I put in another entry.

For my grandfather,

Dear God,

Grandpa is sick. I know that it's not a surprise to You. It is always Your will. I don't want Grandpa to suffer. I don't want Grandpa to die. I want my Grandpa be healthy again. I want the second opinion to reveal that the first doctor made a mistake. I want the other doctor to look at it and say that the first doctor is just wrong and there is NO cancer in his lungs.

But I know it's not MY will. It's Yours.

I want to be able to see my grandpa again. I want to go to Guam and see him. I want to go. I want him to come here and see us too.

Again, Your will. Not mine.

Strength is all we need. Me, my brother, my mom, and especially my dad.

As for Grandpa, please don't let him suffer too much. Please.