I don't understand...

Dear God,

Why is it that those that follow you.. or try to follow you.. the closest are the ones that tend to suffer the most? Why is it that when two people feel so strongly about each other.. that they struggle the most to make it work? I know Justyn and I aren't the only one.. Neil and Gracelyn went through the same thing.. their fights were so bad.. that they used to break up all the time.. their fights were so bad that i was told once.. that Neil left the car in the middle of the street.. walked out.. and left Gracelyn in the car.. just so he could cool off..

But they survived it.. because they knew they loved each other so much.. and they are happy.. no matter what happened..

We can be like that too.. right???

God, why is that when feelings are so strong.. that is when things get tested more.. not only in justyn's and mine's relationship.. but.. Your's and mine's relationship.. I don't understand why those that follow you closely are the ones that seem to suffer the most.

Sometimes.. it seems like You don't trust that we believe in You.. and that we follow You..

Sometimes.. it feels like You want us to truly prove our love for our significant other in order for You to approve of us being together in the long run. God, don't You think we've proved it enough??

God, I love him so much and I don't want anything to happen between us. God, You know I don't usually do what I did yesterday.. to plead.. to beg.. I've always just accepted what became of a relationship.. but God, i believe so strongly in this.. I believe that this can be something so great.. I can't.. and I won't let it go..

God, please understand that I love him.. please understand that I have real feelings for him.. and I don't want to lose what I have with him.

I just wish You'd show us some mercy..

I honestly don't know what to feel right now.. I honestly don't know what to do... how to feel.. how to react to anything.. I'm so jolted.. so jilted.. so shaken.. but I'm turning to You for guidance.. I'm turing to You for comfort..

I want this to work, God. I want this to be forever, God. Please, God, You have seen what we have gone through.. and we are still here... doesn't that count for something???