Please!

Dear God,

Quick favor. Please let these tears stop falling. Please help me feel whole again.

Please.

I don't want to cry anymore.,. I don't want to feel this sickness in my stomach.. please.. God.. if You haven't decided when You've wanted to answer my pleas... Please do it now..

I'm begging.. on every ounce of strength I have left.. to please make this better... I don't want to hurt.. and I don't want to cry.. I just want to know that he's here.. the one person I need right now.. I can't have...

Watch over us and let us be ok from now on. Please let us be ok.. You know how much I love him.. and that should be enough.. you don't give up on a relationship if there is still a lot of love between us..

I haven't given up on us.. Please.. don't give up on us..

Let this all just go away... please just let us be happy.. I know we can do it.. Help me.. help him.. help us.. Please.. I've prayed to You for so long.. to help us.. I don't want to lose him.. the only one that I've been willing to give my heart to in such a long time.. the only one that has gotten me to open up this far.. the only one that i've truly allowed to be in my life like this.. the only that i've been willing to walk through hell for.. the only one i've allowed myself to be totally vulnerable to.. that should account for something.. shouldn't it?

I know I said I needed this time off too.. and I do.. I really do.. and this space is good for us.. but its hard.. it hasn't even been half of the day.. and i'm a mess.. I thought I could just disappear for these few days.. and regroup.. away from the computer.. away from him..

It's hard.. and I'm trying to make myself seem ok.. because no one else knows right now.. but ti's so hard to hide this pain in my eyes.. the tears in my eyes won't stop falling.. and it's so hard too hide this from anyone..

I'm just asking for a moment of peace through this.. til he's ready to talk to me again.. just some peace in my life.. to allow me to regroup.. to allow me to recover..

And please.. when he's ready to talk to me.. don't let him change his mind.. he said he wouldn't and i know that he means it.. but.. I just need to make sure..

Please.. please.. God.. please.. help.. please.. please.. please..