A mindfull...

So.. I guess You had to really be drastic to really get Your point across.. well.. we get it now... and this time.. for certain we are going to wait until we get married..

Lord, please don't let it be true that I had a miscarriage.. please just let things be due to stress and hormone imbalance.. and please don't let the hormone imbalance be because i had a miscarriage and my body just went topsy turvy for awhile.. like the doctor said..

I know there is no way to prove whether or not we actually were preganant and i had just miscarried.. but for my own sanity... please don't let it be true.. I would hate to think that i was with child.. and i would hate to think that i had lost a baby.. a little person.. a little person that is half me.. and half him..

You know how much I love children.. don't make it be so..

Please let everything be ok with me.. please keep me healthy and strong.. and please let my body return to normal again..

I guess I have a lot to ask for.. but here's a few more..

Not for me.. for Justyn..

Please let him get a job soon.. something that can really start getting him somewhere in life.. something that he can really make a living out of.. something that we can both see turning into soemthing fruitful...

Please help keep our relationship strong in our trust in You.. our beliefs in You.. and please guide us with what You think is the best way to raise a family under the circumstances You have brought in our lives..

I know that giving us struggles only makes us stronger and more faithful to You.. continue to guide us.. and keep our relationship as healthy and as happy as You possibly can..

A friendly reminder..

It's me.. just.. well.. living.. i guess..

My birthday is coming up soon..

Thanks..

No.. really.. I mean it..

Thanks for helping me survive another year..

But at the same time.. why?

Why do i have to go year after year.. thinking that I barely get anything accomplished... when.. we all look back.. i know i did.. but it's not the thing that i wanted..

It's never the things I really really want that get accomplished..

Why is it.. my ultimate needs are always delayed in fulfillment?

What is Your timeline.. I wish I knew..

But I don't..

So.. I continue living.. trusting that You know what You're doing.. cuz I do..

Plans..

Dear God.

As you probably already know.. he and I started a rough plan about what we are going to do about our future.. and the possiblity of finally setting a date.. and doing this wedding thing..

But it's rough.. really rough.. and mainly speculation..

But please, God.. help it become a reality for us.. don't You think we've struggled enough? I mean.. don't You see everything that we've been trhough.. You should be able to see it.. You're God..

But it hasn't waivered our faith to You.. if anything its made us both stronger in professing our faith.. and strengthened our bond to You.. You see that.. don't You?

Please.. just help him get through all of this.. help him pass.. and help him get everything to fall into place.. please..